(tl;dr at bottom)(tl;dr means too long; didn't read. e.g. lol [link])



i do it too much, contemplate life. and i can't stick to a single perspective.
everything is confusing. blurgh.
one of my friend's advice about this was 'then don't think about it.'
i tried that. it worked for a while which was fabulous. but then i started thinking about it again.

but yeah, mostly when i think about these concepts it's in a pessimistic way, which is probably unhealthy mentally but it's pretty interesting to me...

in invisible monsters by chuck palahniuk (favorite book ever. i don't read much though, even though i'd like to say i do, haha), one of the quotes from the book is
'we are all such products.'
and i find this to be really quite true.. especially with learning about socialization in study of society.
who are we truly? what should we genuinely value in the world?
are we materialistic?
i switch through the channels,
mtv- some dude with these chicks fighting for his love (rock of love. god i hate this show)
discovery channel- global warming, glaciers melting... we're doomed basically
sbs- natural disasters everywhere
arena- making over some insecure woman to be fashionable and i.e. fabulous
animal planet- groomer has it: groomers fight to be the best dog groomer
discovery channel hd or something- investigating taboos. my mum told me to turn it off because she thought it was gross.
and the list goes on.

and in 'ize of the world' lyrics by the strokes, ([link]) they state:
'Am I a prisoner to instincts or do my thoughts just live as free and detached as boats to the dock?'
now i don't get the full meaning of that because i am not that smart, but i get the drift.
continuing on with the lyrics of the song also back up the chuck palahniuk quote-

"An egg to fertilize,
A pulse to stabilize,
A body to deodorize,
A life to scrutinize,
A child to criticize,
Young adultsto modernize,
Citizens to terrorize,
Generations to desensitize.
A desk to organize,
A product to advertise,
A market to monopolize,
Movie stars to idolize,
Leaders to scandalize,
Enemies to neutralize,
No time to apologize,
Fury to tranquilize,
Weapons to synchronize,
Cities to vaporize."

yeah, ~ize~ of the world.

then this gets me confused about about the perspective on life i should have.
a quote i like is 'the meaning of life is to give life meaning.' now that's positive and optimistic.
i just don't know where to start though, being the somewhat socially awkward person i am, with one of the reasons for this being not able to find a genuine personality yet..

a while ago someone told me i had some kind of multi-personality disorder. haha.


then i think, this is all probably pretty much just a phase.. which will pass.

SORRY FOR THE ramble.







on ze other hand...
I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT:

December 8: GREEN DAY!
on December 10... POSSIBLY animal collective.. i love animal collective and my friend wants me to go, but i think i would not really fit in with the crowd.. because yeah.. it is 18+ but they let you in if you have a guardian. meh.
February 20: SOUNDWAVE!!! (mcr, paramore, escape the fate, all time low, afi and so on )
March 17: COBRA STARSHIP!!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH LORENA AND MOLLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*dies*
heck yesssssssssssssss
i am.. yeah i can't think of a reference, but the show will be positively delicious.






oh and stasha's halloween party on, halloween hahaha. yessss, i am quite excited about that too!
i just need a costume, which i don't have yet.
thinking something with lots of blood or something.







ohh, and i think it's pretty ironic how i want to study psychology and help people by being something like a psychologist and i can't even deal with my own feelings. haha.

meh, from the fabulous peter-pan-esque lyrics of headfist for halos, 'think happy thoughts.'
i don't know if they're being satirical (they probably are), but whatever.






TL;DR
i'm contemplating the many confusing aspects of life and can't find a proper perspective/s.
i am very excited about upcoming concerts, such as cobra starship thanks to lorena and molly!
my blood is rich in irony.
that was lame.
heheh.




~~what are your favorite happy songs?~~
my favorite is bowl of oranges by bright eyes, at the moment.